Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

My New Life as an Introvert

I recently read (devoured) Adam McHugh's book The Introverted Church, which has been so very helpful. For my entire ministry as a pastor I have attempted to function as an extrovert, which has felt like trying to throw a baseball with my left hand. Nevertheless, I have always assumed that I should be an extrovert, as if introversion were some moral flaw. Yet in McHuge, I have found a friend and fellow introvert who has set me free to be an introverted pastor/church planter. 

I knew that this book was for me when, on page 12, I read his confession:

"I... relished times of solitude, reflection and personal study. I enjoyed people, and found satisfaction in depth of relationship and conversation, but even when I spent time with people I liked, I looked forward to moments of privacy. I found crowds draining. I could stand up in front of hundreds of people and preach a sermon without nervousness, but I often stumbled through the greeting time afterward because my energy reserves were dry... I tried to beat and squeeze myself into [an extroverted] mold of leadership instead of becoming the kind of leader that God designed me to be."

His book is about discovering how God designed me to be as an introverted follower of Jesus/church planter/husband/father. This post in some ways is the beginning of that journey.

Of course, a big issue is defining terms. For the extrovert, engaging with people and crowds is energizing. For the introvert, engaging with people and crowds is draining. It is as if the two kinds of people were given different batteries. The extroverts battery is rechared around people. The introvert's battery is recharged in solitude. This does not mean that introverts are anti-social hermits. It simply means that our social battery has a limit before it needs to be recharged. In fact, when recharged, an introvert may appear to be an extrovert. It also means that introverts primary contribution in the church as pastors often will be a ministry of depth (of teaching and with relationships), as long as they have the time to invest in thinking, reflecting and processing in solitude. 

In light of this new self-awareness, I am so grateful that I have a church family that deeply values depth and encourages me to invest most of my time in introverted activities such as study, writing and message preparation. Most churches with introverted lead pastors will soon discover that if they demand the pastor throw left-handed as an extrovert, his main contribution as a pastor will be severely compromised.

After reading Introverts in the Church, I feel like I am on the edge of a new horizon of a new and potentially fruitful ministry. I no longer have to apologize for being introverted. It's exciting to consider the possibilities.

Church Growing Pains: Know Which Game You are Playing

Mark Driscoll has produced a number of vodcasts dealing with various issues in church leadership. One segment describes the different phases church plants go through as they grow. According to Driscoll, in order for the planter to be effective in leading the church through these transitions, he needs to know which game he is playing: golf, basketball or football. That got me thinking about how this could be fleshed out a bit and put into a grid. Here is what I've come up with (see below). It's not inerrant, but may provide some helpful context for both leaders and members as churches experience growing pains, helping planters know how to function in their changing role and helping others have appropriate expectations for the planter as the church experiences organizational change.

Pastedgraphic

There is Nothing Left to Prove

I think a driving force for most of my life has been about trying to prove something—mainly that I am somebody. Maybe you can relate. This issue is identity, and it plays out in a thousand ways.  

  • I am smart. I'll prove it.
  • I am athletic. I'll prove it.
  • I am right. I'll prove it. 
  • I am nice. I'll prove it.
  • I am successful. I'll prove it.
  • I am popular. I'll prove it.
  • I am good. I'll prove it.
  • I am strong. I'll prove it. 
  • I am a good singer... actor... or writer... and I'll prove it.
  • I am a good student. I'll prove it. 
  • I am a good pastor. I'll prove it.
  • I am a good preacher. I'll prove it.
  • I am a good parent. I'll prove it.
  • I am a good husband/wife. I'll prove it.
  • I am a good ___________. I'll prove it.
The list could go on and on. And in every way that I try to prove myself, I become more and more a prisoner of my own idealized self, which soon becomes my idolized self. And an idolized self is not a friend.

For many of us guys, we are trying to prove something to our fathers who, whether intentionally or unintentionally, never validated us as men. We are saying with our lives, "Look, Dad. I am somebody! Notice me! I have what it takes! Affirm me!" For women, it is usually the approval of a mother that is craved.

But what if I no longer had anything to prove? Can you imagine the freedom? What if I had a perfect parent whose daily refrain over my life was, "This is my son in whom I am well pleased." You may say, "That is what God the Father said to Jesus the Son, not to me." The amazing truth of the gospel is that those who by faith receive and possess the perfect record of Jesus' righteousness are justified by grace and adopted in love. Jesus' Father is my Father, and those words of affection and validation are now mine. They are not deserved or earned, so they can't be lost. They are given. They are grace. 

In light of the gospel, there is nothing left to prove. Let's go live like it!

Confessions of a Liberated Pastor

Pastedgraphic

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." ~ The Apostle Paul in Galatians 5:1

I have not preached in two weeks, which means I have had some extra time to read and reflect in ways and on subjects that I often overlook. One subject is me. My soul. Self-care.

Recently, within one hour, three people told me that I looked very tired. Not just physically tired, but a deeper, soul tired. Exausted. It was true. One way I've tried to describe it is "hitting the wall."  In marathons, runners usually "hit the wall" around mile 18 or so, when all the glycogen has been depleted from their muscles. If glycogen is not replenished, the legs just shut down. Race over. 

After two thrilling years of church planting with crowds attending and ministries flouishing, I hit the wall. With the "you look tired" wake up call, I ordered and read two helpful books, The Hidden Link Between Adrenaline and Stress and The Introverted Church. Both books spoke to me in pesonal, profound and much needed ways. 

Like a combustible chemical compound, these books have opened a fissure in my soul. And through that fissure, liberation—a genuine existential freedom in the gospel. In fact, I am feeling unexpectedly refreshed and gratefully reinvigorated for the next leg of the race. 

So what is it that feels so liberated? Here are some areas off the top of my head. 

  • I am free from guilt and condemnation.
  • I am free to be an introverted church planter/pastor (much more on this in future posts!). 
  • I am free to laugh (especially at myself).
  • I am free to not have all the answers.
  • I am free to fail.
  • I am free to dance.
  • I am free to be wrong.
  • I am free to tell dumb jokes.
  • I am free to lead out of weakness.
  • I am free to take off my mask of hypocrisy, being radically real as the chief of sinners. 
  • I am free to not have to fix people (and free not to be fixed myself).
  • I am free to not have to please people. 
  • I am free to say no so that I can be free to say yes.
  • I am free to be misunderstood, criticized, maligned and despised.
  • I am free to design my life in a way that will most effectively bless the church.
  • I am free to delight in being an adopted, forgiven, accepted and righteous son.
  • I am free to forgive.
  • I am free to live with the faith of a child, filled with wonder, trust and thankfulness. 
  • I am free to act radically generous in light of the gospel. 
  • I am free to ask hard, penetrating, personal, uncomfortable questions of people who need them asked.
  • I am free to offend the religious. 
  • I am free to love the unlovable. 
  • Sadly, I am not free from paying my mortgage. :)

Anyway, all of this is possible because of the cross, where my freedom was purchased and liberty lives. My Father is the sovereign King. I have been given the robe of perfect righteousness from the ultimate elder brother, Jesus. The Spirit has sealed me for heaven and indwells me, continually convincing me that I am accepted in the Beloved. 

Yet I confess that living a life unshackled from the condemnation of the law and from human expectations will be a struggle. Every morning and throughout the day I will be tempted to put on various yokes of slavery. For, while preaching grace, I have lived (quite unconsciously) under the yoke of legalism, worry and the fear of man for so long that I really don't know how to be free, walking in the light of the gospel. So pray for me if you think about it, because living as a liberated pastor is one of the best things I can do as a husband and father, pastor and friend.  

I trust that there are areas in your life where you could use some freedom, too. How are you bound? What do you think it would look like for you to be free?

The Eighth and Greatest Wonder of the Ancient World

Pastedgraphic

This map of the seven wonders of the ancient world should include and eighth, and greatest wonder, which was located just outside of Jerusalem for just one day around 30 A.D. Though its scope is incomprehensible,  seeking to gain greater understanding into its significance is at the heart of Paul's prayer in Ephesians 3: 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ." A love that was demonstrated for sinners like us upon the eighth and greatest wonder, the cross of Jesus. 

Help Bring Vlad Home!

Pastedgraphic

Some dear friends of ours, Connie and Jeff Pruitt, are in the process of adopting a 12-year-old boy from the Ukraine. His name is Vlad (above in the center of the photo wearing the blue M&M shirt). Some of you met him when he was living with the Pruitt's this summer. The above photo is from his first ever birthday party (see a photo of Vlad with Connie and Jeff below). 

The big need is financial and time is of the essence. If you are able to help in any way, please contact Connie at 706-864-5753, e-mail at thepruittfamily5@gmail.com, or drop your donation in the mail to 1755 McDonald Rd.  Dahlonega, GA, 30533.

Here is the Pruitt's story:

As many of you already know, the Lord laid it on our hearts back in November of 2009 to make our home available to a child or children in need of a permanent family via adoption.  Even though we have already been blessed with four beautiful, healthy children, three still at home and one who is married with a precious family of her own, we felt VERY led to open our hearts and home up to more.  Once we felt sure about our calling we immediately went through the whole lengthy process with the state system "thinking" that was the only way we could financially  make this possible.  After a year and a half of getting absolutely nowhere, we were extremely frustrated with the system, exhausted from the emotional roller coaster, and very concerned/confused as to why it has to be so difficult to give a child a home when there are so many in need of one!   We had made it clear that we were open to any and all races as well as one child or a sibling group.  The thing that we were oblivious to was that God already had a child picked out for us.  We had been working so hard on our end trying to "make it happen" while, all the time, God was preparing our family for His own special gift to us.  His timing is always better than ours!  

On Monday, May 2, 2011 after receiving a phone call from Ms. Robbie saying, "Check your e-mail. There was a message sent out about a little boy who's available through a hosting program that looks an awful lot like Jeffrey!"    (thanks Celia for forwarding that very special e-mail!)     I checked it out and discovered a precious little orphan boy, 12 year old Vladislav Novikov from Ukraine. Vladislav (Vlad)  was available to be hosted over the summer through a program called New Horizons for Children.  I had no idea what this "hosting program" was about.  I learned that Vlad had been chosen earlier by a family to be hosted over the summer, but at the last minute, for whatever reason, they backed out.  We had VERY LITTLE information on him including the question of if he was available for adoption.  After much prayer and discussion over the next 30 minutes or so, I made a phone call to the hosting program.  The phone rang 3 times and an actual "person" answered!!!!  Wow!  Within the hour Vlad was ON HOLD for our family!!  All we had to do now was send them the $$$.  It was so easy that I became skeptical of the whole thing.  I started thinking this was some kind of scam to get money.  I ended up calling them back and getting some references from other families.  It wasn't long, however, until we all realized that through God's divine intervention, Vlad had been saved for us and us for him.  The New Horizon's program was amazing, professional, and all about these precious orphans!   By 9:00 that night we had been blessed with the entire $1,500 needed to get him here!  We were all in absolute awe of God's amazing power and the generous hearts of our loving friends and family!  We thank all of you who contributed financially and prayerfully for this whole experience to take place!   Regardless of what the future holds, you have all made a remarkable difference in the life of an orphan.   

We picked Vlad up from the airport on June 28th, and he spent 5 weeks with our family until August 2.  We knew almost instantly that Vlad was one of our own.  We had many "goals" to accomplish while he was with us.  The most important being that he would know without a doubt that we loved him unconditionally, and there was nothing he could do to gain or lose any of that love.  While ALL of us (MANY, MANY PEOPLE!) shared so much of ourselves and our resources with Vlad, during his stay in America, he also shared as much of himself as he possibly could with us in return.

On August, 2 (one of the most difficult days of our lives) we took Vlad back to the airport to return to Ukraine.  Many times during his last two weeks here, Vlad said to us, "Vlad say good bye Ukraine.  Vlad stay America".  Remember, he speaks Russian, however, we heard his message clearly!   We were not allowed to express to him, at any time during his stay, our desire to adopt him (for many various reasons; a rule of the hosting program).  Our hearts tore in half as we watched Vlad walk away from our family not knowing if he would ever return to us.  

Shortly after his departure we received some disappointing news.  Vlad was not available for international adoption at this time.  It would take 12-14 months for him to become "available".  Needless to say, we were devastated.  We reminded ourselves many, many times that God was in control of this situation and NOT US!    The only good thing we could make out of waiting for another year was that at least we would have more time to raise the needed money.  About 2 weeks later we found out that they had made a mistake, and Vlad is available RIGHT NOW!  We were ecstatic beyond belief...until the realization of our lack of funds set in.  We've reminded ourselves once again that God hasn't given us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind.  The cost of a Ukrainian adoption is between $23,000-$27,000 Our family has taken a huge step (really a gigantic leap) of faith in moving forward with this.  We know that God has called all of us to "defend the fatherless" (Isaiah 1:17).   We are humbly asking you to partner with us with your prayers and financial support as we begin this exciting journey of bringing Vlad back for good!  Please, share our story with as many people, churches, etc. as you know who might be interested in helping us!!  While we are responding to God's calling on our family, we are totally dependent on Him for providing the financial support!!  

Interesting Info:  We found out today (Tuesday, Sept. 20) that if we move quickly enough, there is a "chance" that we can get the paperwork over in Ukraine completed before Dec. 31.  This is very important because "if" we can complete that, we can get a reimbursement check for $11,000 from the federal government for international adoption assistance.  This would lower the overall cost by almost half!  We're going to give it our best shot!  The "kicker" is that we have to complete about 3 weeks worth of paper work, leg work, and home study visits in only 1 week.  Also our first payments are due immediately.  The home study is $1,400 and our criminal background checks are around $100 each.  

The great news is that we have our first contributions!!  Sarah, Annie Bell, and Jeffrey have donated $250 from their own savings to get us started.  We are so blessed already!  If you feel led to help us financially, please, give us a call 706-864-5753, e-mail us, or drop your donation in the mail 1755 McDonald Rd.  Dahlonega, GA 30533.  Absolutely no gift is too small...or too big! 

James 1:27 states that true and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to help orphans and widows in their time of need and to keep onesself unspotted from the world. 

Please, pray for Vlad over in his orphanage.  It will be a while before he actually knows what is happening.  Pray that he is safe, and that he feels the love from all of us reaching across the ocean to him along with the love from his heavenly Father that is much more than we could ever match!

I know this was a lot to read.  I just felt like I should share our story.  Our prayer is that it has a beautiful ending!
Love,
Jeff, Connie, Sarah, Annie Bell, and Jeffrey  : )
0pastedgraphic

The Most Dangerous Spiritual Condition

Al Mohler rightly says, "Most moralists would not claim to be without sin, but merely beyond scandal. That is considered sufficient."  The problem is the self-righteousness that stems from that world-view IS a scandalous sin in light of the cross.  While focusing on public sin, we moralists overlook the sins of the heart. Yet both point us to our need for a Savior. So, if you find yourself to be essentially a religious moralist, beware. It just may be the most dangerous spiritual condition possible. While thinking we are well, we are on the edge of death. Thankfully, the gospel is for us, too, the worst of sinners. When we realize that, our moralism is replaced by humility and gratitude for the love of Jesus, and we begin to sing a new song, deep from the heart:

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

A Dream Come True

Typically, Tuesday (today) is one of my weekly "focus on the Sunday sermon" days. However, this week Creekstone is not having a Sunday morning service. So time for some golf, right?! For starters, I don't really play golf (because I don't like to cuss in public). I like to hike or run trails. Second, it's raining. Third, we are launching our K-Groups Sunday evening, and I am planning to take time to prepare a discussion guide that will prime the pump for what we hope these groups will be, which in my mind is something along the lines of Acts 2:42-47,

"42 They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." 

What if Creekstone were a worshipping community that was radically devoted to sound doctrine and to caring sacrificially for each other? What if we were a community where the power of God was manifest in ways that would only be explained by the miraculous presence of God? What if we were a community that was so alive to the wonder of God's grace in the gospel that we drew unbelievers in to the fellowship by the attractiveness of our joy? That would be a dream come true! But is it really possible? Absolutely.

It does not take a rocket scientist to understand the key to this kind of community. Essentially, the members of this early Christian community (1) believed the gospel with repentant faith and (2) were filled with the Holy Spirit (see verses 37-41 for context). Acts 2 teaches us that the kind of spiritual-community we long to experience cannot be created by a program or by principles. It must be the overflow of the Spirit Himself in the lives of grace-dependent people who are actively affirming the gospel motto, "Jesus is my righteousness." K-Groups can be gospel kindling, but the Spirit must set the fire.

In light of the potential for such a faith community, I want to invite you to sign up for a K-Group and be devoted to it. They meet twice a month, on the second and fourth Sunday nights of each month (Sept-Nov. and Jan-April) from 5:30-7:00 p.m.  For more information and to sign up, go to this link on the Creekstone website. Also, be sure to email Andy Woznicki (ajwoznicki@gmail.com) with the group number you plan to attend (1, 2, 3, or 4).  

Ten Simple Reflections on Marriage

Pastedgraphic

Here are ten simple reflections from this past weekend's marriage conference.

1. Intimacy in marriage begins with intimacy with God as Abba, Father. Quality "face-time" with the Father sets up quality "fact-time" with my spouse. The closer and more intimate I am with the Father, the closer and more intimate I can be with my spouse (see the Love Triangle image below). 
2. Active, gospel faith (ie, "Jesus is my righteousness") enables me to be a safe place for my spouse to be real. The more I know the safety of  Jesus, the safer I can be with others. Does my spouse consider me to be safe? 
3. Although stated in different ways, it seems as if the number one desire of each gender is to be appreciated. How often to I take my spouse for granted? Too much. What can I do about this?
4. In light of the cross, Jesus leaves me with no doubt that he loves me. Does my spouse have no doubt about my love for him/her? What can I do to change that?
5. The difference between a general friendship and a healthy marriage is the depth of intimacy. Am I growing in intimacy with my spouse, or are we just living as room-mates? Are we living parallel lives, or growing closer?
6. Jesus loved well because he was able to look and really see the other person. How often do I take time to really look and see what is going on under the hood of my spouses' life? What questions do I need to ask? Am I a safe place for him/her to risk exposure of his/her fears/hurts/issues?
7. Most spouses do not want to be fixed. We want to be understood... and loved anyway. Am I a good listener, or just a good fixer?
8. The way most of us try to change our spouses is by giving them laws/rules/expectations to follow and obey. What if the way we really change is by being loved? But how can we love when a spouse is being unlovable? We believe the gospel — 1 John 4:9-10, "This is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and gave his Son as a propitiation for our sins. Since we have been loved like this, so we are to love one another." 
9. Since being loved empowers love, the best thing I can do for my spouse is to be the object of the Father's affection and live in light of His amazing grace. Is my chief identity as one who is loved by the Father by grace; or as one who is striving to be loved because of some great accomplishment I can achieve?
10. The problem in my marriage is most likely not my spouse; it is me. If I can begin there, hope and change can abound. 

Click here to download:
TheLoveTriangleofMaritalIntimacy2.pdf (20 KB)
(download)