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April 12, 2010
 

The Best Gift a Parent Can Give

In lecture #5 of Sonship, Jack Miller is brutally honest about his failure in parenting, saying, 

"My great sin against my daughter Barbara was that I did not reach her [heart]. I didn't try to. I was really concerned about outward behavior, thinking that if I worked on the outward behavior, it would work inward. It never works that way... I presented the gospel like law, and I was not broken before her."

Psalm 51:16-17, which my Sonship counselor is having ME pray for myself this week, says, "For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." 

God delights in the broken, contrite, repentant, humble, needy heart that comes to him for forgiveness, healing and grace. He will not despise me if I come that way, but welcome me as the Father did the younger son in Luke 15. And neither will my children despise that kind of heart. It may be that the greatest gift that I can give my kids is not material— it is my own brokenness of soul and need for a Savior-Healer-Redeemer. If that is the attitude of my heart, then I will not parent in the all-to-typical self-righteous, I-would-never-act-like-that style. But that is pure hypocrisy, and our kids see right through it... and hate it (even if they can't express it like that when they are younger. But when they reach the teen years, they begin to react in all kinds of unpleasant ways). 

So maybe what my kids need is not a bullet proof Dad, but a nail scarred Jesus. My ever present need for that Savior just might be the best gift that I can give.  

Filed under  //   brokenness   gospel   grace   jack miller   jesus   parenting   repentance  

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January 9, 2010
 

Parenting Conference with Paul Tripp at Perimeter Church

A grace-centered parenting conference with Paul Tripp will be held at Perimeter Church the weekend of January 22-23.  For more information and to register, go here. 

Filed under  //   conferences   parenting   perimeter  

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September 10, 2009
 

Suggestions on Discipling Our Own Kids

The Bible is pretty clear that parents, and fathers in particular, are called to disciple their own children. We see this from Dueteronomy 6, to Solomon's Proverbs, to Ephesians 6, where Paul writes, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the nurture and instruction of the Lord."  Yes, there is a place where the church assists parents in the process. However, the church, even as a covenant community, cannot replace parents in the process. The role of the church, and particularly the pastoral leadership, is to equip parents (and especially fathers) to nurture and instruct their own children. To show them how to repent and believe the gospelo, and how to teach them sound doctrine. So for you parents and fathers out there, here are two very basic, introductory equipping suggestions.

Read the Bible. Give your children an understanding of the Bible's redemptive story by reading the story to them. However, let me suggest that, rather than breaking out the King James Version, that you read from a children's story Bible. The goal is to give them the big picture of God's story. Details will come later. I recommend beginning with The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name, by Sally Lloyd-Jones. This is a big-time paraphrase, but shows how the story of the Bible and each particular story points to Jesus as Savior.

Read theology. I have read from books such as J.I. Packer's Concise Theology in the past, and now have begun R.C. Sproul's Essential Truths of the Christian Faith. So far, this is my favorite because (1) it is well written, (2) each doctrine is explained in about 2 pages, (3) it has summary points at the end, (4) as well as Scriputre to read if you want to go further (or have older kids). This book is highly, highly recommended. By the way, you do not have to start at the beginning, and in the case of Essential Truths, I wouldn't. The front end is very weighty and complex philosophical theology. Come back to it once you've covered things such as the attributes of God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, sin, the fall and redemption, the church, etc.

We typically read after dinner, right there at the table before we get up and scatter. This means arranging your life so that your family eats together on a regular basis (and not in front of the TV, please). If you don't or can't eat togehter (I realize that sports, homework, etc., can make this a challenge), then I'd recommend finding some time during the day to slow down, connect, and read. Then ask questions and consider applications.

Of course, there is more to say. The day-in, day-out, gospel-centered conversations of life and dealing with problems is where discipleship really happens. But understanding the story of the Bible and having a grasp on sound doctrine gives parents and children together the scaffolding upon which to engage in the daily conversations of law and grace, fall and redemption, despair and hope.

SPECIAL NOTE: I realize that there are families where, due to death or divorce, the father is not present. That was my experience as a child. So I want to encourage those who are single mothers to recognize their unique role as a dual parent of sorts. It is an extra challenge that I trust will be met with extra grace from the God whose heart is for the orphan and widow.

Filed under  //   discipleship   fathers   parenting  

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